We hail from the constellation Canis Minor and we’re here to harvest your organs and drain your oceans for rocket fuel. Kidding! That’s more of a Canis Major vibe. 

Given that your human civilization has not yet achieved interstellar travel, you are likely unaware of how lonely space is. But we are aware! So we hooked up some garvanplows to a couple of flargenbows (and a minoflor, just for giggles) and set out to find some friends in the cosmos. 

For the last hundred years, we’ve been trying to make contact with you, to no avail. But then our Lead Human Researcher made a huge breakthrough: nothing is real to humans until it is on the internet. So with the help of your Squarespace technology, we sincerely hope the 55,419th time is the charm!